More than just being nervous

Tomorrow we start filming the big blockbuster. After getting delayed a week, and numerous script revisions, we are set to begin a film that will stretch out for the next 3 months. It will be the biggest thing I have worked on so far in my rather short career and I have to admit, I am beyond nervous.

Besides the fact that there are huge stars in the film, I am nervous because I have never occupied the position I have on this film. Being the 1st Team Production Assistant brings with it a lot of responsibility, forethought, and anticipation on my part. I know I can do it. I know that it will only be a matter of time before I find my groove and I can anticipate what several actors will want or need. I know all of these things. However, what I am most scared of, is the first week and possibly not living up to the reputation that people have given me.

I have been told on a few occasions this past week, which I have this job purely on the recommendation of one AD that I worked for last year. I didn’t interview because there was not much time, and the team I will be working with took her advice and hired me. I appreciate that faith, but I also know that I was not the first, second, third, or even fifth alternate. That shouldn’t bother me as much as it does because there is so much work going on in the city that good people are hard to find. Especially good people that would be available until the end May. I fit those criteria obviously.

My stomach is in knots right now. I’m trying to think about the first, second, and third things that I should be doing tomorrow morning as I get to set. I can not forget anything. I have to prove to myself, to the person that recommended me, and to the people that hired me, that I can work on a big budget film and I can excel.